Christmas in July

-Posted by Nick

This Christmas season has been particularly difficult. Outside of our blown expectation that we would be expecting this Christmas (or shortly thereafter), it seems that the themes alone of the normally joyous holiday are particularly painful.

Just think about it. The holiday is centered around a virgin who conceives. Guys, it's at this point we attempt to connect the dots that our women readers have already instinctively done. Let me spell it out: a woman, who didn't even HAVE sex, gets pregnant while we have sex for a year and nothing happens! WTF? Now this is, of course, a completely emotional response, but it can hopefully communicate what couples battle each holiday season. But, the stabbing themes don't stop there.

The whole comment people make stating, "God gifted me this child." First, there's the idea that something was gifted to someone else insinuating they were somehow more worthy to receive said gift than others who were not. Combine this idea of "baby as gift" with the massive retail therapy that ensues afterward to self-sooth, multiplied by the number of holiday sales... well, you can do the math.

All in all, the holidays are tough when struggling with infertility. The depression and bitterness are consuming. It's exceptionally difficult to lean on God's timing and just trust Him. These emotions dampen the holiday spirit to a point where it feels like Christmas in July; the tree is up, the lights are shining, the carols are praising Christ's birth, but something inside you refuses to light up because the constant reminder of our Savior's birth is a constant reminder that you have wait on Him before you can have a child of your own. From conception "the old fashion way" to waiting for an IVF egg to implant in the uterus, it doesn't make the waiting any easier.

What has made the waiting a little easier has been supportive family and friends this holiday season. April and I just returned from a booked, yet relaxing time with my family in Phoenix, Az. This much needed time with family and the occasional lunch with good friends, helped us realize that we are not alone in this struggle--as much as it may feel that way. Thank you for the reminder!