We have virtually no hope of success this month with IUI #2.
When I went in for my mid-cycle ultrasound on Monday, I had only one mature follicle, and based on its size, it likely contained an "overmature" egg. Nonetheless, I was given the trigger shot, and we went in the next day for the IUI. We received additional bad news prior to the insemination that Nick's sperm count was below the recommended clinical threshold.
Initially, we wanted to do three rounds of IUIs before considering our other options. Given our poor response this cycle, we are not sure if we even want to continue with another IUI as it feels like we are just wasting $1,000 in return for such depressing odds.
It's been a really difficult week, and it's been hard to accept that IVF (in vitro fertilization) is becoming more and more of a reality for us if we ever want to have our own biological child(ren).
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
An Answered Prayer
So this past IUI did not go as planned (more on that later).
After a very trying day yesterday, this morning I sat at the computer, dressed for work, emotionally drained from the day before, and completely unfulfilled from the previous night's rest. Our numbers for this latest IUI, mine especially, were depressing. So much so, that this morning I sat frozen in front of my computer, overwhelmed with anguish--not for my sake, but for April's. I prayed, weeping:
"Lord, please. Please give April something to hold on to today. We are both at our wit's end. We need an answered prayer. We need you to speak to us and provide us with the strength to carry on as we wait on you. I no longer have strength to have faith for both April and myself. I cannot be a strong husband without your reassurance. Please, offer April the hope that I know exists in your word and that I lack the ability to provide. Please. Please give us something to hold on to. Amen."
As I finished, I wiped the rest of the tears from my face and proceeded with my morning routine of emails and cereal--attempting to let go, and let God.
Tonight, I read April's "Inspirational Wednesday" post. Who says prayers are never answered?
After a very trying day yesterday, this morning I sat at the computer, dressed for work, emotionally drained from the day before, and completely unfulfilled from the previous night's rest. Our numbers for this latest IUI, mine especially, were depressing. So much so, that this morning I sat frozen in front of my computer, overwhelmed with anguish--not for my sake, but for April's. I prayed, weeping:
"Lord, please. Please give April something to hold on to today. We are both at our wit's end. We need an answered prayer. We need you to speak to us and provide us with the strength to carry on as we wait on you. I no longer have strength to have faith for both April and myself. I cannot be a strong husband without your reassurance. Please, offer April the hope that I know exists in your word and that I lack the ability to provide. Please. Please give us something to hold on to. Amen."
As I finished, I wiped the rest of the tears from my face and proceeded with my morning routine of emails and cereal--attempting to let go, and let God.
Tonight, I read April's "Inspirational Wednesday" post. Who says prayers are never answered?
Inspirational Wednesday
I heard this fitting devotional about faith in times of trial on my way to work this morning. It is quite apropos!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Posted by Nick
Let's be clear: I went to a urologist because I have a minor case of male factor infertility (MFI). What does that mean? It means my sailors are not that of the U.S. Navy, if you will, but rather that of Australia. But what few people understand is that it's not just quantity, it's quality as well.
When getting a sperm analysis done, doctors usually look for count, yes, but also how fast they swim, and their shape. So in layman's terms: do you have a U.S. Navy Seal or Gomer Pyle?
After taking some blood to check hormone levels and making sure I didn't have any physical abnormalities, I discussed with him what exactly the field of urology has to offer as far as suggestions to improve my quantity and/or quality.
"Well, supposing your blood tests come back fine, really there's not much else. These specimens are completely random from one sample to the next." He said, shrugging his shoulders.
Now this is where I have an issue with our medicine for the past several decades; it is well documented that cases of infertility are 50% the guy's fault. Yet, the social norm has long-standing been that it's got to be woman's fault. It is my deduction that the male-dominated medical field has had a head start on researching women's infertility issues simply because of male chauvinism. Case in point: Upon asking the urologist about what habits I should have between points in the month where April and I try to conceive, he said, "I don't know. Nothing in the field has researched that. We really have no control over your quantity or quality."
So let me get this straight: we have the research and technology to place a woman into menopause, then make her ovulate, extract several eggs, fertilize them in a lab, then place them back into the uterus and pump more hormones into her body to make it believe it's prego to try to assure the egg implants... but we don't have the means or the research to give my balls a pep talk?
So... we're on to IUI number two, and it boils down to this: Good news is my specimen is completely random from sample to sample and that can affect chances of pregnancy. The bad news is... my specimen is completely random from sample to sample and that can affect chances of pregnancy. Awesome.
Let's be clear: I went to a urologist because I have a minor case of male factor infertility (MFI). What does that mean? It means my sailors are not that of the U.S. Navy, if you will, but rather that of Australia. But what few people understand is that it's not just quantity, it's quality as well.
When getting a sperm analysis done, doctors usually look for count, yes, but also how fast they swim, and their shape. So in layman's terms: do you have a U.S. Navy Seal or Gomer Pyle?
After taking some blood to check hormone levels and making sure I didn't have any physical abnormalities, I discussed with him what exactly the field of urology has to offer as far as suggestions to improve my quantity and/or quality.
"Well, supposing your blood tests come back fine, really there's not much else. These specimens are completely random from one sample to the next." He said, shrugging his shoulders.
Now this is where I have an issue with our medicine for the past several decades; it is well documented that cases of infertility are 50% the guy's fault. Yet, the social norm has long-standing been that it's got to be woman's fault. It is my deduction that the male-dominated medical field has had a head start on researching women's infertility issues simply because of male chauvinism. Case in point: Upon asking the urologist about what habits I should have between points in the month where April and I try to conceive, he said, "I don't know. Nothing in the field has researched that. We really have no control over your quantity or quality."
So let me get this straight: we have the research and technology to place a woman into menopause, then make her ovulate, extract several eggs, fertilize them in a lab, then place them back into the uterus and pump more hormones into her body to make it believe it's prego to try to assure the egg implants... but we don't have the means or the research to give my balls a pep talk?
So... we're on to IUI number two, and it boils down to this: Good news is my specimen is completely random from sample to sample and that can affect chances of pregnancy. The bad news is... my specimen is completely random from sample to sample and that can affect chances of pregnancy. Awesome.
Monday, March 19, 2012
IUI #2 in progress
Well, our break cycle this past month obviously didn't work, so we are moving on to IUI#2. I went in last Friday for a baseline ultrasound to be cleared for starting treatment again. I start taking Clomid tonight through Friday (cycle days 5-9). I responded well to the 50mg last time, but the doctor suggested increasing the dosage to 100mg to be more aggressive. I didn't have too many side effects before, but now that I am on a double dose, I am worried about what I have to look forward to this cycle! :-/
I have an appointment next Monday for my mid-cycle ultrasound to check my progress. We are hoping to have 3-4 follicles this time to give the sperm as many targets as possible. I am assuming I will trigger either that night or the following night with the IUI next Wednesday or Thursday morning.
Nick has an appointment tomorrow with a urologist. We are hoping he will provide some answers!
I have an appointment next Monday for my mid-cycle ultrasound to check my progress. We are hoping to have 3-4 follicles this time to give the sperm as many targets as possible. I am assuming I will trigger either that night or the following night with the IUI next Wednesday or Thursday morning.
Nick has an appointment tomorrow with a urologist. We are hoping he will provide some answers!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wait, I'm not alone!
I was just lamenting a few blog entries ago how I have no friends currently going through infertility testing and treatments. I guess I spoke too soon!
I ran into a friend this week, and I mentioned in passing that we were saving for some big expenses. When he probed further, I felt compelled to say that we are dealing with infertility and saving for expensive treatments. He then admitted that he and his wife were going through the same thing! This led to a 30-minute conversation about our history and diagnoses, failed treatments, and future plans. We are about at the same point in treatments and go to the same (one and only) fertility clinic in the area.
I was truly sorry to hear that this couple is also going through a difficult struggle with infertility. No one deserves this, and it always seems to happen to the couples who would make the best parents. At the same time, I feel relieved to finally know someone who can really understand and sympathize with what I am going through. Nick now also has someone to talk with about the male's perspective of infertility.
I am looking forward to getting together with them soon, and I hope that we can all be each other's support system through this process.
I ran into a friend this week, and I mentioned in passing that we were saving for some big expenses. When he probed further, I felt compelled to say that we are dealing with infertility and saving for expensive treatments. He then admitted that he and his wife were going through the same thing! This led to a 30-minute conversation about our history and diagnoses, failed treatments, and future plans. We are about at the same point in treatments and go to the same (one and only) fertility clinic in the area.
I was truly sorry to hear that this couple is also going through a difficult struggle with infertility. No one deserves this, and it always seems to happen to the couples who would make the best parents. At the same time, I feel relieved to finally know someone who can really understand and sympathize with what I am going through. Nick now also has someone to talk with about the male's perspective of infertility.
I am looking forward to getting together with them soon, and I hope that we can all be each other's support system through this process.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
I feel so alone
I feel so alone in my struggles with infertility. I literally have NO friends going through a similar or same situation. I do know some people who struggled to conceive, but now they are on the other side with a child (or children) of their own.
I don't fit in with any groups. At work, all of my female colleagues are either not married or married with families. I don't really fit in with either clique, and I feel left out.
In our neighborhood, there is a group of women who get together occasionally. The women are all different ages and at different stages in life, but I am the only one without children. When we get together, the conversation is always about their kids, schools, little league, etc., and I have nothing to contribute.
I do have a few married friends who do not have children yet, but now that they are trying to conceive, I feel like they avoid me. I would truly be happy for them if they were to get pregnant without any difficulties, but I can imagine how they are uncomfortable telling me about their excitement.
I know wanting to fit in is not a good reason to have a child, and it's certainly not my only reason for wanting a family. I think I have always struggled to feel like I belong, so infertility is just exacerbating an already existing insecurity.
I don't fit in with any groups. At work, all of my female colleagues are either not married or married with families. I don't really fit in with either clique, and I feel left out.
In our neighborhood, there is a group of women who get together occasionally. The women are all different ages and at different stages in life, but I am the only one without children. When we get together, the conversation is always about their kids, schools, little league, etc., and I have nothing to contribute.
I do have a few married friends who do not have children yet, but now that they are trying to conceive, I feel like they avoid me. I would truly be happy for them if they were to get pregnant without any difficulties, but I can imagine how they are uncomfortable telling me about their excitement.
I know wanting to fit in is not a good reason to have a child, and it's certainly not my only reason for wanting a family. I think I have always struggled to feel like I belong, so infertility is just exacerbating an already existing insecurity.
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